Life's Journey

Reflections in the mirror
Fragments of the mind
Contemplation and philosophical thinking
Independent thought.

Resonation of the soul
A shifting in time
Of balance and harmony
A grounding of the being.

Awakening of the spirit
A freedom unhindered
A new path to tread
Endless possibilities to be explored.

Lessons from a 10 year old

Kids are smarter and wiser than we generally give them credit for. This was highlighted to me the other day when I came across a list my 10 yo daughter wrote whilst home sick. She's always been a prolific list writer, and some of what she writes blows me away, but nothing like this list I found. It reads:

These are the things I expect from myself!

• I will never ever give up.
• I will always try my hardest.
• I will always love who I am.
• I will live my life to the best.
• I will never be someone I'm not.
• I will always be happy with what I've got.

Wise words indeed from a very old soul.

Wouldn't we be a more content society if we followed her mantra? Simplistic? Maybe. But isn't that what life is supposed to be? Instead we try and overcomplicate everything and lose site of what's important. We need to live life to the fullest, be the best we can be, be happy with who we are and love ourselves for ourselves. It doesn't mean we can't strive to achieve and live out our dreams, just don't lose site of who we really are along the way.

For Miss 10 I'm getting the list framed for her. She's put a lot of effort into it - she's written it in wonderful colour and decorated it - so the least I can do is frame it for her to put on her wall as a reminder in years to come.

A reminder for all of us.

Follow your dreams

As you may or may not know, this year is all about change, and more importantly, about me.  The beginning of the year I was in a job I loved working part time, looking to fit in more hours and more days as that's the path I thought I should follow.  

But it wasn't to be.

Within 3 weeks I had resigned and was looking for something.  What at the time I wasn't sure.  But 8 months on and I've definitely found it.  Something that has got hold of me and is taking me on a journey I can't wait to travel.  I've finally found my dream, and I'm living it.

Don't get me wrong, I didn't hate what I did before, in fact I thought I'd found what I wanted to do and pursue for a long time.  The problem I came to realise was even though I loved what I did, I was following someone else's dream, and not my own.  

It's so easy to get swept up in the enthusiasm of someone else's dream.  You believe the path they have laid out is the path you want to follow, and commit fully to helping fulfill that dream.  And for some people that is enough.  But I came to realise that I had dreams of my own, and the capacity to put them into motion.  So I did. 

So what is it you ask?

I'm back at 'uni' studying to be a Naturopath.  Something definitely left of centre for me, but something I am totally committed to, and believe in, and want to learn.  I'm taking the journey with a girlfriend and between us we've laid out our path of where we want to go and how we want to do it.  We've planned the type of practice we'll set up when we've finished, down to the environment we want to create, and how we'll go about it...and we're only into semester 1 of many.  You may think as I'm doing this with someone else that I'm just following her dream, but I'm not.  We are in a way opposites - I'm the Yang to her Ying.  We balance each other and believe at the end of our course, will create a wonderful partnership.  

So for now I'm at the beginning of a long journey (it will take about 8 years to finish the study).  But it's a journey I want to be in as it's allowing me to follow my dream of one day being able to help people help themselves and create a healthier society for us all.

Trastevere

Meandering through the streets of Trastevere,
Cobblestones uneven beneath the feet.
It's dark
and the streets are lined with restaurants
full of locals and tourists alike.

It's a hive of activity,
A place to sit,
Enjoy the food and watch
as couples stroll hand in hand
throughout the narrow streets.

Gelato piled high in shops
Beckons after a meal of bruschetta, pasta and local wine.
A chance to indulge
Whilst wandering the winding cobblestone streets,
Unsure of location,
but safe in the knowledge
that just around the corner
another palazzo awaits,
full of chatter and laughter,
Of people enjoying the warm summer night
in beautiful Trastevere.

I've been flying today...

I went flying today...well not flying exactly, but close enough. Paragliding and with one of the most spectacular backdrops to accompany me...the Swiss Alps.

There was no fear or even apprehension, just a desire to fly. First Z, then E, Ali too until it was at last my turn. Lucky last!

Running with my pilot Robert down the slope before the wind caught the chute and the ground gave way beneath my feet until there was nothing but air between me and the ground.

As the current picked us up and lifted us highter I looked around and was awestruck by the sheer beauty of the Alps, the lakes with Interlaken inbetween, the Jungfrau towering above us in the distance, its white peaks gleaming in the morning light after two days of fresh snow covering.

The sound and feeling of the wind rushing past, the tug of the chute as the wind caught us and guided us toward the approaching hill, Robert expertly manouvering us around the hill using the currents to gain more height passing backwards and forward across the hill's rock face. Never once did I feel afraid - invigorated, breathless, awestruck and amazed - but never afraid.

All too soon it was time to descend to our landing spot in the middle of Interlaken, passing close enough to buildings and hotels I could see people on balconies drinking beer and wine.

A few tricks on the way down before the ground once again rose up to meet us. Three steps and it was over. The journey complete.

The exhileration I experienced from the journey continued far into the afternoon. A few photos taken by Robert on our way down a lasting physical reminder of the morning flight.

The memories no doubt will linger on from my first flying experience...but definitely not my last!

Gin

Drinking gin
In the late afternoon.
Feeling the warmth of the sun
upon my face.

Contentment
and happiness,
Joy
and abandonment.

Laziness
as the gin takes effect
and the body sinks lower,
letting go.

The mind shuts down
Enjoying the here and now.
No past to stress over,
No future to worry about.

Just the warmth of the sun
as it envelopes me
in a safety net of nothingness but joy.

My Angel

There's an angel watching over me
Guiding me on my journey
Helping me along the path I've chosen.

It's there, ever present,
Though often hidden.
Making an appearance when direction I seek.

A beautiful angel,
Allowing me to walk my chosen path.
Assured in the knowledge
if ever I may stumble
it will always be there
to pick me up and help me on my way.

Europe here we come

As many of you may (or may not) know, my family and I are heading overseas tomorrow. Six weeks of togetherness.

We're all looking forward to it. It's a chance for the hubby to switch off from work. A chance for the kids to 'explore the world'. A chance for the four of us to step back from our rather manic lives and enjoy just being a family unit. Because of this it's going to be a challenge.

Why? Because it's probably the longest period of time the four of us have spent all together (apart from a few major knee surgeries which grounded the hubby). About a year after we married the hubby started travelling for work. When the kids were growing up my oldest pointed to any plane that flew overhead and said 'daddy's plane' (and no, he's not a pilot). We worked out he was pretty much away a third of the year for a while there. I do joke that even though we've officially been married 14 years, in reality for time served its only been about 10 years ;)

But when the hubby got long service leave the idea of this trip was planted. It also coincided with our eldest's last year in primary school. So tomorrow we head off for six weeks of togetherness - the first four of those in an RV touring round parts of Europe. The kids and I can't wait for the experience - the hubby I think a little apprehensive about the whole RV thing. But it's going to be fun.

I'll let you know how we went - and whether we survived the six weeks of togetherness. I think we can.

Memories

Memories,
An entanglement of pictures
invading the mind.
A jigsaw puzzle
best left unsolved.

The future looms bright.
Time to shut out the past
and look forward to the endless possibilities
the future may bring.

Morning Call

The sun rises slowly,
Gently kissing the earth,
Enveloping it in warmth and sunlight.

The birds' morning calls grow more loudly,
Welcoming the new day,
And the sun on its journey.

Leaves curled up against the cold of the night
slowly unfurl,
Taking comfort from the warmth.

It's the awakening of a new day.

10 Reasons Why Giving Up Work is a Good Thing

Thought I'd put together a list of the 10 best reasons for giving up work, based on my experiences over the last 5 months (time flies!).

1. No more stress (which equals no waking up in the middle of the night with a million and one thoughts running through your head of what lays ahead to be done at work. It also means you don't snap at your kids first thing in the morning as you're stressing about work).
2. No spending an hour of your day stuck in traffic as you try to make your way to work.
3. Time to join your kids on their school excursions (which means you can check out your daughter's potential boyfriend!)
4. Time to cheer your kids on at their school cross country (and hold them upright when they think they're going to feint!)
5. Time to be able to walk the kids to school every day instead of dumping them out the car door at the drop off zone as you rush to get to work.
   
6. Time to spend catching up with your friends.
7. You can join the gym and actually go (which after catching up with your friends for lunch quite frequently is not a bad thing).
8. Time to spend sorting through that study that really needs sorting (well theoretically anyway!)
9. You can get organised and plan dinner before 7pm at night (I know that doesn't sound so great to some, but I know the hubby is appreciating not having to worry about cooking during the week).
10. Lastly, but most importantly you realise the things that are most important to you - for me it's my family and being able to give them as much as myself as possible, to support them, love them and let them be the best that they can be. It's also my friends who are there for me, and me for them no matter what.

At the end of the day I know I am lucky to be able to not work and I thank my hubby for supporting me and allowing me to do this. Also to my all my friends who I've caught up with frequently thanks for the adult conversation - there's only so much talking you can do inside your head, or singing out loud along with the music for that matter - so cheers!

Words on a page

She's curled up on the bed
Reading
Listening to the sound of the rain
as it pounds on the iron roof.

It's early afternoon
And she's escaped to her room
Away from the people
To the solitude.

She loves that she can do this
Be selfish
Having only to think for herself
And take care of only her needs.

No constant demanding
Of her attention or her love
No pulling or twisting
Of her time.

Just her
Left alone to her thoughts
Her feelings and ideas
A chance to bring order to the chaos of her mind.

A chance to stop
And to reflect
To organise her life
And to plan.

A time to listen
To dig deep and find answers
To address who she really is
And not just come up with some superficial words.

The book has been discarded now
And instead pen and paper are her tools
A chance to express herself
Through words on a page.

Enjoy Life

A dew drop glistening in the morning light,
A star shining brightly in the dark night.

The smell of spring time in the air,
Love and laughter that you share.

The taste of chocolate on your tongue,
Embarking on a journey just begun.

The warmth of your child's embrace,
Making sure you slow your pace.

Savouring each moment as it arrives,
Enjoy life - just don't survive.

Where has the time gone?

Ok, so it has been a while. A lot longer than I'd planned. A few times I've sat down to write a post only to come up with a totally blank mind. Lights on, no-one home type of thing.

This time I am determined to get this posted.

So it has been 3 months now since I quit work. As mentioned before the first few weeks were a struggle. I suppose I hung on in a vain attempt to keep my 'identify'. I know it's probably me, but I felt (and still fee to a degree) to be a 'someone' in today's society you need a work role to define you. I know the role I am now taking is an important one and one that will have far reaching consequences in the future when my children grow and embark on their life journey, but 'mother' as my sole role takes some getting used to.

So 3 months and I'm warming to the role. I love been able to watch the kids run at the school cross country (I'd missed the last few years due to work); I love being able to help out at school when needed (today was Mother's Day Stall); and I am loving the other 'roles' I have taken on in my 'spare' time.

I've got back into coaching in a big way. Not only am I coaching my daughter's hockey team, but am also coaching two school teams as well. The school teams also involves umpiring, but it's not as scary as I remember! It's great to be able to teach kids and help them develop, gain confidence, and above all have fun playing a great sport.

I've also joined a gym. I'm not the most dedicated person when it comes to trying to get fit and making myself go to classes (RPM and Boxing are great) helps me with my goal. I've also surprised myself by making a 5.50am class twice in a row - not bad for a person who hardly wakes up before 6.30am most mornings.

The kids had their first school holiday in nearly 5 years where they didn't have to go into vacation care. We had a wonderful holiday and I ended up the coast with them for 6 days which was just wonderful.

There have of course been numerous other things I've done over the past 3 months - hubby's tax was a pretty big accomplishment! I'm currently in the middle of sorting out our holiday which is very fast approaching. Six weeks in Europe - four of them touring in a RV. We are all so looking forward to it.

Until we get back my 'plans' for the future have been put on hold, but as soon as we are back the reinvention of Rell will begin.

So I promise to improve my blogging - I'm sure I've got a post or two in me to write!

Black

Wondering where that cloud came from
It's black and has descended,
surrounding me.

Its weight pushing down on me
Knocking me down
leaving a feeling of emptiness - nothing.

One week on

Post work blues.  Wonder if any other people go through it when voluntary leaving a job?  The  mind still working through what needs to be done, checking to see things are done right, missing the place.

It's been a strange week.  Part of me still can't let go and I do catch myself wondering if I made the right decision.  I suspect yes, but still...  I wonder how everyone is traveling and whether some small part of me, and what I did is missed at all.

I've been lucky in that I've got some amazing friends willing to lend an ear and to hear me out.  Hopefully the record will stop soon and I won't end up boring them to tears.

On the upside I managed to go on my first school excursion with one of the kids today, and actually loved it.  Also made Miss 9's day which at the end of the day is what it's all about.

So it's one week on...wonder what next week will hold in store?

Walk Away

Stand up for your beliefs
for only you know
what you truly believe in.

Fight only if you know it's right,
Not for the sake of arguing.

But have the courage to walk away
when you know
that staying isn't the answer.

Thank you

It's with sadness that I leave
Moving on to a new chapter,
A new adventure.

It has been an amazing journey
- lots of highs, some lows
A lot of hard work
With some very rewarding outcomes.

Friendship, laughter, tears and joy
I've experienced it all, and more

But without you there to guide me,
To lead me through
To question and challenge me
To listen
The journey woud have been so much harder.

And though it seems so inadequate
I'd just like to say
- Thank you
For your friendship
For being someone I could have a laugh and a whinge with
For being you

Reflections

I have been in a bit of a reflective mood lately.  Not surprising really considering I have just resigned from a job I spent the last four and a half years at.  And what a journey that four and a half years was.

Not only did I learn a thing or two (or three) about the online industry (see my last blog entry for ireckon), but in that time also finished off my uni degree, coped with a husband who travels way too much whilst raising two beautiful children.  We've also moved house, I've lost loved ones and found a new belief in myself and in what I do.  

I've also become somewhat of an internet addict.  I joined Facebook as the boss and I had a bet on re who could get the most friends (he's winning, but boy have I reconnected with some wonderful long lost friends - ex workmates, school friends, hockey friends etc).  I joined Twitter more as it was expected we 'got social media' as part of work, but have found myself drawn into its intriguing web of 140 character posts by people I've never met before.  It's all about connecting and that's what I'm slowly doing.  There's always a computer on in our house and at times I find it hard to draw myself away.

I've realised that over my working life I have learnt a thing or two and can translate that into being a productive and useful member of a team. 

I've also learnt that time is precious, and at the end of the day the best thing you can give your loved ones is your time and attention, because those precious times together are the things they remember the most.

I'm not always right

Sometimes I get things wrong.  (and yes I do admit when I do!)  Take the current events unfolding for no. 1 son (and only son).  It is currently School Captain elections and no. 1 son decided end of last year he was going to run for every position available - School Captain, House Captain, Music Captain.  He went through the leadership programme and got his 'card' filled in in record time.

This week the kids had to nominate for their positions.  Surprisingly only 9 boys nominated for the School Captain position, no. 1 son being one of them.  They were briefed on Monday and had to do their speeches to Yr 7 and 6 kids who then went ahead a voted who they wanted.  No. 1 son spent Monday night writing and learning his speech - he came up with some great points and according to accounts from others, delivered it very well.  

No here is the bit I got wrong.  No. 1's journey through school has not always been smooth sailing.  He's had issues with kids bullying him in earlier years and doesn't really have a close group of friends in his year.  He does get on well with kids in the lower grades, the teachers love him and he's a bit of an allrounder - sports, music and academia (though latter point not his strongest).  I had a conversation with his teacher at the end of last year about no.1's desire to go for positions and teacher said at that time that he would 'be wonderful ambassador for the school, but would struggle to get the peer support'.  A point I agreed with.

But I totally support no.1's desire to run and believed the experience would be a great learning curve for him.  

So speeches were made on Tuesday with phone calls to be made home that afternoon.  Well the phone rang at 4.20pm and I was informed no.1 was shortlisted down to 5 candidates.  I was so surprised he got the peer support needed.  Talking to one mum with a child in grade 6, apparently she voted for him as his speech was really good. (Makes me feel very proud).  So I got it wrong (not that I'm complaining!).

Next step was interview with Principal, Deputy, Teacher and P&C.  By all accounts he said it went really well (though when asked about his parents apparently on me he said "She's from Launceston, Tasmania", and on dad - practically gave his life history - Pom, early accidents, architect, Suncorp Stadium.  Need to have a talk to him on that point I think!).

Decision time tomorrow.  No matter what the outcome though I am so proud of his efforts and so happy I was wrong.

Aren't we such strange creatures

People are such strange creatures don't you think?  I do.  

Take having the last word.  There are some people that just don't like being dictated to and are always looking to have the last word, no matter how contradictory they are being.  They always want to be one up and be the one with the ultimate control over things.

There are also those that lie to cover their actions, or is it to keep face?  Ultimately though, no matter how clever they think they are being, they always get caught out, and whether they are 'outed' for their lie or not, in the end they really do look stupid.

Me - what am I like?  Well as Kenny Rogers said in The Gambler "You got to know when to fold them, know when to hold them, know when to walk away, know when to run". I'm a bit of a people watcher and can read people and situations very well.  I know at which point to fold, to hold, to walk away or to run.  

The point of this blog - there isn't one really - it's just full of random thoughts, feelings, situations, and ramblings.

How Deep?

I used to write poetry in my teenage years - a lot of it. I still have it and looking back I believe it was my way of coping through some often trying times. There's some pretty deep and often disturbing words that made their way to paper, but thankfully will never see the light of day.

There is one though, that reading it, although written in 1986 for English class, shows how very little we have overcome over the past 23 years. It's called How Deep? and goes something like this:

How deep is that of those who love
The pitiful children of the world?
How deep is that of those who fear
For the children of the future?
How deep is that of those who weep
For the children starving worldwide?
How deep is that of those who hate
All the reasons that this is so?

If everyone really felt strongly about all this
Then why isn't something being done?
Why do children starve and die?
Why are we afraid for them?
If everything was so deep
Then all this shouldn't be going on
How deep is it really though?
How deep?

I still feel society is too apathetic at times. We are all too comfortable in our cocooned existence to really care. Oh we've become more aware of what's going on in the world, (largely in part thanks to the availability of information online) we've all jumped on causes of the moment, but still millions of children are dying from the lack of the basics - food, water, shelter.

Do I have any magic answer - put simply no. But as we all focus on the current financial crisis sweeping the globe and how it will affect us, take a moment to think of those touched not by the financial meltdown, but by the lack basic human needs they require to live.

CD of the Moment

Do you ever get to a period in time when you listen to a CD and can really relate to it? One that you go, Wow - that could be about me/my life/my situation etc.

At the moment that CD for me is Funhouse by Pink.

I love Pink's music. Saw her in concert the other year and hope to again this year when she visits Brisbane again. Have some of her other CDs but I think Funhouse is her best work yet. She's laid her life bare ireckon on this cd and you seem to get an absolute honesty in her music and her words.

My favourite songs...there are many on this album, but Funhouse both the kids and I love and if you ever drive past my car when this is on will see us all 'singing' at the top of our lungs. Especially love the line "This used to be a funhouse, now it's full of evil clowns".

Others include Mean - "How did we get so mean?, How do we just move on?"; Crystal Ball and Glitter in the Air (a particular favourite of my daughters).

Wonder if anyone else has a 'CD of the Moment'?

Free

Well it has only been two days, but already I feel free.  Free of the stresses that were weighing me down over the dilemma of my work.  Free of the worry, and guilt I had been feeling about my decision to leave.  

I worked today and it was probably the first day for a long time I went in with a totally clear mind and I have to say the reward was a very productive day and one which I walked away from extremely happy.  That hasn't happened for a while.

I love what I do there, and know when my time comes to close the door one final time on the place it's going to be hard to walk away.  Four and a half years (for me) is a long time to be in one workplace...I was promised champagne at 3 years as that was the longest I had ever been at a work place.  (Still waiting for that one...).  In that time I've learnt a lot about myself, and of others, and have grown both personally and professionally.   

But I chose to walk away, and think, if the last few days have been any indication, was what I needed to do, for my sanity.

So I'm free...although I don't reckon it's going to be an easy journey adjusting to post work me...but who knows.  Stay tuned.

And so the new journey begins

Well I did it today. Most of you will think it's probably not the most sensible thing to do in the current economic climate (as have some of my friends), but it felt right to me.

What is it you ask?

Well, after four and a half years I handed in my notice today. Was it easy - absolutely not. In fact it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in a long time (childbirth of course does not count). But do it I did, and now I feel as if a great weight has been lifted. Not because my job was horrible or anything like that, but because it was time for a change.

They say you have at least a few career changes throughout your life, and it was time for me to embark on a totally new career path. Since I started full time work (and part time in later life) I've always worked in an office environment. Each job better than the last, each teaching me new and exciting things and giving me opportunities I never thought possible. But it got to the point my life was becoming consumed with my work to the detriment of me and my family. Even when I wasn't working (and I only worked part-time) my head was consumed with work. It got to the point I'd wake countless times at night with one issue or another to do with work.

I expect some of you can relate to this, but for me who has a husband who travels a lot for work, and two very active and lovable kids, my focus needed to be on the family.

And so, toward the end of last year I decided to rethink my priorities and look at what else I wanted to do. Something that didn't impact immensely on me, and on my family. The answer was a new career direction.

My initial thoughts were to study on the days I wasn't at work - made easier by my hours being reduced toward the end of the year. But after time spent with the family over Christmas as well as the death of my wonderful great aunt, from a disease my mum has just been diagnosed with, I came to realise that the time for change was now.

Which brings me back to today. I plan to work a good few weeks still at the company, to help kick start the year for them. The company has been good to me, and for me, and I plan on leaving with me head held high. In the meantime I will slowly shift my focus back to me, the family and what's important to me.

And so the new journey begins...

A new year - new beginnings?

I know it's nearly February and the New Year seems a long time ago, but January has been a bit of a blur and it's only now I've had time to breathe, so thought, as 2009 is going to be a year of challenges, why not challenge myself and get a blog up and running.

I can't guarantee it's going to be exciting, but I can guarantee it's going to be full of my ramblings - thoughts, feelings, opinions, rantings etc.

So why now? Well because I've been told numerous times this year that 2009 is all about leaping out of your comfort zone..and that's what I am about to do.

Can't say too much apart from the fact that this week is going to be momentous i reckon. Too often we drift along the same old path never questioning where we are going or why we are following that particular path. You find yourself waking up one day and thinking "How did I get here?", "Is this really where I want to be?".

That happened to me a couple of months ago. Because of certain events at the time I stepped back and took a really good look at myself and realised the picture wasn't all that pretty.

Oh don't get me wrong, I love my life. I've got a wonderful husband and two gorgeous kids, but my focus wasn't where I wanted it to be. My energy was being directed into things I thought mattered, and though important to me, in the greater scheme of things didn't deserve the amount of attention I was giving them.

Confused? I know I was at the time.

Anyway the upshot of it all is that I've had time to think about what is really important to me, and have had time to redirect my energies into those things that REALLY matter. So that's what this week is about. New beginnings. The first step in redirecting my focus.

So stay tuned. 2009 is going to a year of change, of challenges, but most of all, of FUN!