Black

Wondering where that cloud came from
It's black and has descended,
surrounding me.

Its weight pushing down on me
Knocking me down
leaving a feeling of emptiness - nothing.

One week on

Post work blues.  Wonder if any other people go through it when voluntary leaving a job?  The  mind still working through what needs to be done, checking to see things are done right, missing the place.

It's been a strange week.  Part of me still can't let go and I do catch myself wondering if I made the right decision.  I suspect yes, but still...  I wonder how everyone is traveling and whether some small part of me, and what I did is missed at all.

I've been lucky in that I've got some amazing friends willing to lend an ear and to hear me out.  Hopefully the record will stop soon and I won't end up boring them to tears.

On the upside I managed to go on my first school excursion with one of the kids today, and actually loved it.  Also made Miss 9's day which at the end of the day is what it's all about.

So it's one week on...wonder what next week will hold in store?

Walk Away

Stand up for your beliefs
for only you know
what you truly believe in.

Fight only if you know it's right,
Not for the sake of arguing.

But have the courage to walk away
when you know
that staying isn't the answer.

Thank you

It's with sadness that I leave
Moving on to a new chapter,
A new adventure.

It has been an amazing journey
- lots of highs, some lows
A lot of hard work
With some very rewarding outcomes.

Friendship, laughter, tears and joy
I've experienced it all, and more

But without you there to guide me,
To lead me through
To question and challenge me
To listen
The journey woud have been so much harder.

And though it seems so inadequate
I'd just like to say
- Thank you
For your friendship
For being someone I could have a laugh and a whinge with
For being you

Reflections

I have been in a bit of a reflective mood lately.  Not surprising really considering I have just resigned from a job I spent the last four and a half years at.  And what a journey that four and a half years was.

Not only did I learn a thing or two (or three) about the online industry (see my last blog entry for ireckon), but in that time also finished off my uni degree, coped with a husband who travels way too much whilst raising two beautiful children.  We've also moved house, I've lost loved ones and found a new belief in myself and in what I do.  

I've also become somewhat of an internet addict.  I joined Facebook as the boss and I had a bet on re who could get the most friends (he's winning, but boy have I reconnected with some wonderful long lost friends - ex workmates, school friends, hockey friends etc).  I joined Twitter more as it was expected we 'got social media' as part of work, but have found myself drawn into its intriguing web of 140 character posts by people I've never met before.  It's all about connecting and that's what I'm slowly doing.  There's always a computer on in our house and at times I find it hard to draw myself away.

I've realised that over my working life I have learnt a thing or two and can translate that into being a productive and useful member of a team. 

I've also learnt that time is precious, and at the end of the day the best thing you can give your loved ones is your time and attention, because those precious times together are the things they remember the most.

I'm not always right

Sometimes I get things wrong.  (and yes I do admit when I do!)  Take the current events unfolding for no. 1 son (and only son).  It is currently School Captain elections and no. 1 son decided end of last year he was going to run for every position available - School Captain, House Captain, Music Captain.  He went through the leadership programme and got his 'card' filled in in record time.

This week the kids had to nominate for their positions.  Surprisingly only 9 boys nominated for the School Captain position, no. 1 son being one of them.  They were briefed on Monday and had to do their speeches to Yr 7 and 6 kids who then went ahead a voted who they wanted.  No. 1 son spent Monday night writing and learning his speech - he came up with some great points and according to accounts from others, delivered it very well.  

No here is the bit I got wrong.  No. 1's journey through school has not always been smooth sailing.  He's had issues with kids bullying him in earlier years and doesn't really have a close group of friends in his year.  He does get on well with kids in the lower grades, the teachers love him and he's a bit of an allrounder - sports, music and academia (though latter point not his strongest).  I had a conversation with his teacher at the end of last year about no.1's desire to go for positions and teacher said at that time that he would 'be wonderful ambassador for the school, but would struggle to get the peer support'.  A point I agreed with.

But I totally support no.1's desire to run and believed the experience would be a great learning curve for him.  

So speeches were made on Tuesday with phone calls to be made home that afternoon.  Well the phone rang at 4.20pm and I was informed no.1 was shortlisted down to 5 candidates.  I was so surprised he got the peer support needed.  Talking to one mum with a child in grade 6, apparently she voted for him as his speech was really good. (Makes me feel very proud).  So I got it wrong (not that I'm complaining!).

Next step was interview with Principal, Deputy, Teacher and P&C.  By all accounts he said it went really well (though when asked about his parents apparently on me he said "She's from Launceston, Tasmania", and on dad - practically gave his life history - Pom, early accidents, architect, Suncorp Stadium.  Need to have a talk to him on that point I think!).

Decision time tomorrow.  No matter what the outcome though I am so proud of his efforts and so happy I was wrong.

Aren't we such strange creatures

People are such strange creatures don't you think?  I do.  

Take having the last word.  There are some people that just don't like being dictated to and are always looking to have the last word, no matter how contradictory they are being.  They always want to be one up and be the one with the ultimate control over things.

There are also those that lie to cover their actions, or is it to keep face?  Ultimately though, no matter how clever they think they are being, they always get caught out, and whether they are 'outed' for their lie or not, in the end they really do look stupid.

Me - what am I like?  Well as Kenny Rogers said in The Gambler "You got to know when to fold them, know when to hold them, know when to walk away, know when to run". I'm a bit of a people watcher and can read people and situations very well.  I know at which point to fold, to hold, to walk away or to run.  

The point of this blog - there isn't one really - it's just full of random thoughts, feelings, situations, and ramblings.

How Deep?

I used to write poetry in my teenage years - a lot of it. I still have it and looking back I believe it was my way of coping through some often trying times. There's some pretty deep and often disturbing words that made their way to paper, but thankfully will never see the light of day.

There is one though, that reading it, although written in 1986 for English class, shows how very little we have overcome over the past 23 years. It's called How Deep? and goes something like this:

How deep is that of those who love
The pitiful children of the world?
How deep is that of those who fear
For the children of the future?
How deep is that of those who weep
For the children starving worldwide?
How deep is that of those who hate
All the reasons that this is so?

If everyone really felt strongly about all this
Then why isn't something being done?
Why do children starve and die?
Why are we afraid for them?
If everything was so deep
Then all this shouldn't be going on
How deep is it really though?
How deep?

I still feel society is too apathetic at times. We are all too comfortable in our cocooned existence to really care. Oh we've become more aware of what's going on in the world, (largely in part thanks to the availability of information online) we've all jumped on causes of the moment, but still millions of children are dying from the lack of the basics - food, water, shelter.

Do I have any magic answer - put simply no. But as we all focus on the current financial crisis sweeping the globe and how it will affect us, take a moment to think of those touched not by the financial meltdown, but by the lack basic human needs they require to live.